


Breaking the Silence

by heavenly-glance (SidneyHam)



Series: shadowhunters episode codas [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode: s03e06 A Window Into An Empty Room, M/M, Other characters and relationships mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 14:39:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14499198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SidneyHam/pseuds/heavenly-glance
Summary: "Bright street lights flashed in Alec’s eyes and he just wanted it all to stop. He hadn’t planned on getting shitfaced at the Hunter’s Moon, but Izzy brought her doctor and they’d been making eyes at each other all night. And everyone kept asking about Magnus."episode coda for 3x06, where alec gets drunk and has a heart to heart with magnus





	Breaking the Silence

Bright street lights flashed in Alec’s eyes and he just wanted it all to stop. He hadn’t  _ planned  _ on getting shitfaced at the Hunter’s Moon, but Izzy brought her doctor and they’d been making eyes at each other all night. And everyone kept asking about Magnus. 

“Where’s Magnus? I thought he’d be here, it is happy hour after all.” Yeah. He thought so too. But when twenty minutes went by before he got a response from his boyfriend, it was hard not to be at least a little hurt. 

And then Luke walked in and he and Maryse got so caught up in their flirting that they either didn’t notice or didn’t care that the younger Lightwoods had been missing from the table for quite some time. Not to mention he’d spotted Simon fawning over Maia while she worked the bar. The only person not acting doe-eyed and in love was Jace, and while he and Clary’s affection was sickly sweet and annoying at best, it was out of character for Jace to be so stoic. 

But that was a problem for another time. He trusted his parabatai and he was okay with leaving him to feel like himself again after his treatment in the Silent City. 

 

So Alec got another drink. Sue him. He was the head of the New York institute, and he was allowed to get a little tipsy instead of trying to work out his own issues with Magnus. Angel knows the warlock did enough self-medicating for the both of them. He still remembered the first time he stayed the night at the loft and Magnus had had to spell himself sober after sending Camille to Idris. 

The thought of Magnus’ ex was enough to down his third drink of the night and order a refill. But of course Underhill was there. At least he wasn’t going to judge him for having a few drinks on a Friday night. Alec was actually glad to be able to talk to another non-straight person other than his boyfriend for once. 

Until Underhill asked about said boyfriend. God, how bad had it gotten that just mentioning Magnus put a sour taste in his mouth? He wasn’t proud of himself, but Alec had quite frankly had enough of people asking about Magnus for one night.

 

_ It’d be different if he were here,  _ Alec thought bitterly. But he wasn’t, and no one else around him was going to tell him not to, so he got piss-drunk. Because after enough drinks, it felt good.  _ He  _ felt good. Sure, the room was kind of spinning, but he could still walk in a straight line and Maia hadn’t kicked him out yet so he couldn’t have been that bad. 

Alec looked around the room from his spot at the bar. There was his mother, still sitting and chatting with Luke. He spotted Izzy talking to Simon as Maia served Jace another drink. The patrons were a mix of downworlders and shadowhunters, which shouldn’t have been as surprising as it was given the peace after the fall of the Morgensterns. However, there was a significant lack of fey at the bar tonight. Alec would have to ask around to see if that was normal or if their queen was behind the disappearance. That is, if he can remember to do that in the morning. 

He was just about to head to the restroom when he saw Underhill playing pool.  _ Ha,  _ Alec’s intoxicated brain supplied,  _ pool must be a gay thing _ . All humor evaporated from his mind when he thought back to his and Magnus’ first date. Even before getting to know Magnus better he was still stupidly turned on by his competitiveness that night. 

Lost in thought, Alec wasn’t really paying attention to the fact that Underhill knew he was standing there. Luckily, the conversation wasn’t terribly awkward and he was out of the Hunter’s Moon in no time. Underhill gave him his form of a pep talk and sent him on his way home. 

Except Alec Lightwood didn’t have a home. The institute is where he works and sometimes sleeps. It’s where he grew up. But it isn’t home. And Magnus doesn’t want him to move into the loft yet. 

 

“Hey kid, where to?” The cab driver asked patiently. Fuck. How long had he been sitting in silence, trying to figure out where to go? The logic part of his brain was telling him he should go back to the institute and sleep it all off, but the alcohol was doing a great job of blurring everything together and making him confused.

“Magnus. I want to go home.”

“Okay, but you gotta give me an address before I go anywhere, kiddo.” Alec was far too inebriated to correct the driver on his usage of ‘kiddo’ so he just gave him the address of Magnus’ building and closed his eyes to brood in the back seat.  _ Kiddo.  _ He doesn’t think he’s ever been a kid in his entire life. 

 

***

 

Before he knew it, Alec was handing over a few crumpled bill and thanking his driver before stumbling out of the cab and up the stairs to the loft. He barely managed to untie his boots before promptly passing out on the large couch in the living room. 

He couldn’t have been asleep for long before the telltale sound of a portal startled him awake as Magnus landed in his home. 

“Alexander?” There was some trepidation in his voice, as if he was afraid of what Alec might say. But Alec just wore a big, goofy smile and sat up, ignoring the dizziness that action caused.

“Hey, you’re home. Sorry I fell asleep out here. Hope your client wasn’t too awful.”

“About that…” Magnus trailed off, stepping closer and running a careful hand through his boyfriend’s hair. Alec closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. “Why  _ are  _ you out here, instead of in bed?”

With his eyes still closed, Alec tensed minutely, but enough for Magnus to notice. “Didn’t know if you wanted me there or not. Plus I didn’t think I’d make it. ‘M not really sober right now.” 

“Really. I couldn’t tell.” Magnus deadpanned.

“But I love you, so that’s why I’m here. Instead of at - at the institute. Where I work.”

“I love you too, Alexander,” Magnus sighed. “Let’s get you to bed, how does that sound?”

 

Alec opened his eyes, and if he wasn’t sort of swaying on the couch, Magnus might have thought he was completely sober with how serious he looked. “No, Magnus. I don’t think you get it. I  _ love  _ you. Like I really  _ really  _ do. And I was talking to this guy tonight, Underhill, and he made me realize how much you need to know that.  _ I fucking love you. _ ”

Magnus looked away, his traitorous eyes beginning to burn as his boyfriend drunkenly proclaimed his love over and over again. He slid his hand down the side of Alec’s face to cup his jaw.

 

“Alexander. I  _ know _ . And I love you too. With all of my heart. I hope you know that; that you have me. And I’ve got you.” He whispered. 

But clearly Alec wasn’t done. “Then why don’t you want me here? I want to be here all the time. When I’m at work all I can think about is how much I want to come home and have dinner with you. How much I want to kiss you, touch you, go to sleep with you. Why don’t you want that?”

“That’s all I want, too. But I’m afraid, Alec.” Magnus paused, trying to find the right words and realizing there were none. “I’m so damn afraid that if we live together, you’ll get sick of me. That you’ll wake up one day and realize that you could do better,  _ have better _ , than me.”

Alec shook his head, moving back and away from Magnus before pushing himself up from the couch and walking around the coffee table to his boyfriend’s other side. He flailed arms a little before getting them under control and pulling Magnus into a crushing hug.

“Impossible,” he whispered into the skin of his neck. “You’re it for me. I won’t - I can’t not love you. I don’t know if it has to do with the angel blood or just our job, but shadowhunters really only love once. And you’re mine, Magnus. You’re my one love.”

Magnus took a deep breath and pulled back. “I think I understand now. Really, I do. But before we discuss this any further you need to be sober. So let’s go to bed and we’ll talk about the details in the morning. For now, which side of the dresser do you want?”

Alec gave him a dopey grin and let himself be led to the bedroom. Whatever may come for them in the future, he didn’t know. But at least he was sure that he’d have Magnus by his side, and that was enough for him.

**Author's Note:**

> i know everyone and their mother has already written this same scene but i couldn't get it out of my head, so here you go!
> 
> Find me on tumblr @ winteralec


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